my teardrops are vintage (filmfreak933) wrote,
my teardrops are vintage
filmfreak933

my retreat from the internet

This seems like the best forum to just write something to write it down, not with the intention of anyone reading it. I had a dream last night, and it was one of the worst dreams I've ever had, but I need to retain it, because dreams like that are so few and far between. I think it was 4 or 5 years from now, and I found out everyone had been lying to me about my father being dead. I never got a straight answer as to why, but pretty much everyone was in on it -mom, grandma, uncle. Well, I got this business card from my uncle with the address of where my dad was working. It was in a fictitious city in MI (I'm assuming. I kept telling myself to remember upon waking so I could check it out). He said I could go and find him, that it had been "enough time." I remember telling myself in the dream, 'you can't wake up, because if you do, this card and address will be gone.' I went and found him, and he wasn't surprised to see me and wasn't apologetic, and I wasn't mad. I was just so relieved to see him again that nothing else mattered. We just sat at his kitchen table while he had a beer and shot the shit, something I never got to do with him in my adult life. It played out exactly as I think it would have, he looked exactly as I think he would have, 15 years aged. It was beautiful and terrible all at the same time, but it's what I've got, so I'll take it.
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